While the coffee brews...

Have you ever noticed how the titles to my posts always sound like they could be soap opera titles? I just noticed that, and it seems a little appropriate. Apparently, I have an affinity for creating drama where there once was none. It's wired into my brain... damnit.

Anyway... Last night unfolded like this: Stacia comes over. We blow off some steam. She leaves. Terry gets home. Hoo-freaking-ray for me! It's really hard to figure out the crap in my head when the person I'm figuring stuff out about is sitting/sleeping in my living room. Neither of us has the money to get our own place. Nor do we have a (local) place to "crash" while my mind does some serious work.

I've already outlined most of the questions here, so I feel no need to repeat myself. There are no easy answers to those questions, especially in my current state of mind. I'm barely holding myself together right now, so why should it be expected that I can make life changing decisions in a snap? I told Terry I needed time to sort stuff out... That I needed that time and was working on the problem BEFORE crap hit the fan.... And now that I have to clean crap out of my hair at the same time, it's going to take longer. He's going to have to understand that, or make the decision for me and leave.

I told him all the things that lead to me first questioning our relationship. Of course, if he had read more than one post in my blog, he'd have known without me telling him. I told him that now that I have this trust issue to deal with on top of everything else... It could be a while. Maybe talking to Mom today will help clarify some things. Maybe she'll do what I think she'll do and tell me that I'm on my own in this.

"Hand me something relatively easy, and I'll complicate the shit out of it." ^^^THAT should be on my warning label. (Note to self: get an estimated price for a tattooed warning label on my ass.)