Final Post

So, I have to close this blog and start a new one. I was using it to protect my (ex) fiance from all the madness that goes on in my head. Well, he lost his shit and I was forced to show it to him so he could see what an ass he was being. He now knows all the of the deepest, darkest thoughts that have gone through my head. I was trying to spare him all that nastiness, because he wouldn't have the first clue on how to deal with it. No, he had to go and be an ass.... Make me show my true colors...

But that leads to another question.... Why in the hell should I have to wear a mask around the person who is supposed to be closer to me than anyone else? The answer: I shouldn't. I should be able to be completely and totally me. Honest... Open... Direct... Crazy (as it comes). Is it fair to either one of us for me to continue on in a relationship where I am constantly hiding my inner self from him? No, it's not.

So, I still have a decision to make. One that will affect the rest of my life and possibly my credibility with certain key family members. Before I make that call, I have to talk to Mom, which I'm doing tomorrow. Then, I have to deliberate.

For now, I'm living in a house with a man I am separated from. My schoolwork is not getting done because of all this mess... I'm going to have to request an extension... again. Oh, well... It WILL get done this time around. I'm not going to lose my dream over some guy. I did that once with Rodney and again with Chris. Not doing it again. I will persist... I will carry on.... I will move on... I will eventually find that one person who gets me completely and accepts me that way. Whether or not that is Terry still remains to be seen.