Are you effin kidding me?

Ok, I think I've figured this out. My brain is just flat out over-analytical. Once again, a person from my past has contacted me. A person who never did me any wrong. Instead, I did them wrong. For no good reason. And I feel bad about it. Terry knows they have contacted me, and he and I agreed that it is best that he doesn't have our phone number. This is not unreasonable, because I wouldn't like it if Terry's ex girlfriends were calling him up (when it was happening, I didn't appreciate it).

Anyway, the ex in question is named Mike. He was a good enough guy, as far as I was concerned. He was, in fact, the first guy I went out with on whom I had a crush prior to his asking me out. I was ecstatic about this, honestly. Well, I went off to Job Corps while he was on house arrest. And, because I was a self-centered little bitch, I dumped him at the first opportunity of greener pastures. And that was really horrible of me. And I feel bad. And I want to write him this long, drawn out email detailing how much I am sorry and apologize to him. But I haven't. Why, you ask? Well, that's complicated... and it's not....

See, I've learned a lot about myself and about other people in the past six months. I can read the signs. I was one of the first people he contacted upon his release from prison. He addressed me as "Sweetie". Obviously, he still has a thing for me... Which is so sweet... and undeserving... in my eyes. And that makes me just want to give him a big hug. The old feelings I had for him come back... and this time with reason. He WAS really good to me. Very sweet and respectful. Perhaps a bit intimidated by me, but I've since learned that I just tend to have that effect on people. Either way, I really liked him.. and he really liked me. And I think these feelings are still there. BUT... there's always a "but"...

He still thinks I'm the same person I was back then... some 10 years ago. That could not be further from the truth. And, since he's spent that same amount of time in prison, I'm sure the same applies to him. What I'm afraid of is that I am going to talk to him and find out that I like him just as much now as I did then.

The problem with that is that I really and truly love Terry. He is good for me, and I am good for him. Each of our families love the other. I don't know where I'd be if not for him. So, I've taken a step back from this situation. I haven't written any long, apologetic emails. I haven't given my phone number out. I haven't made any calls. I've been a good girl. I've decided to talk to him on chat only. To see how that goes. To make sure that I don't light any fires or fan any existent flames. To ensure that my current relationship endures. My head is on straighter now than when I was talking to Jeremy. I'm over that whole ordeal. I can understand why Terry doesn't want me talking to Mike over the phone. And I'll go along with it.