To the one who can't read this.

I created this blog for you. Actually, I created it so I could feel free to express my thoughts without the fear of your constant criticism that looms with my myspace blog. I am growing leery of posting "preferred list" blogs so that your daughters can ask me why they can't read them. The number of people who can read this new one, I can count on one hand.

I called you last night. 6:15 pm. Same as last week. The only time during your week that it is convenient for YOU for me to maintain contact with my children. You didn't answer. You didn't call back. Now, my kids think I'm unreliable. Can't be trusted. They are becoming further and further detached from me. You didn't answer your phone, yet this will... as always... be morphed into my fault. I'm sure you'll either call me back today, or I'll call you, and you'll give me some bullshit explanation as to why this happened. The number I dialed is your cell-phone. It's always attached to your hip. Where's the excuse? "Oh, we were outside and the phone was inside," you'll probably say. I've heard that one before, as this isn't the first time this has happened. It was 50 degrees and windy outside and normally, you're eating dinner when I call. Next...?

When I hang up the phone, Terry looks at our baby and says, "I think Mommy's mad." I told him that surprisingly, no. I wasn't mad. The sad fact is that I have come to expect these things from you. A year ago, I got mad about it. Now, I'm nothing more or less than jaded by it. I'm tired. I'm tired of trying to do things your way just so you can change the rules without telling me.

Funny, what got me into this mess was being removed and detached from my children's lives. Now, it seems that you are doing everything in your power to see that the chasm between us deepens. I always tell people, when I'm discussing my situation with you, that I have no issue with how you are doing by my children. That, however, is not entirely accurate. My kids deserve to have all the information necessary to make their own decisions about me. You are not letting that happen. They deserve me to have all the information necessary to make preparations for them. You are not letting that happen. I don't have much else to say regarding this, other than I'm getting close to giving up. No one can play the games you design, because you are always playing by your own rules, rules that are separate and unequal to the rules you design for the rest of the players.